the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
