The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
