PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
