never play flip cup with pint glasses
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
