apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
