You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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