Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
