The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
