and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
