mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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