dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
