My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
