She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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