Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
