evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
