dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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