here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
