she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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