So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
