yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
