i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
