Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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