Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
