have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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