Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
