pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
soo... how was my night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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