East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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