You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
