Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize