So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize