You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
