Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize