I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
