I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
