Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
