This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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