Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
