i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
