My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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