Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
