East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
