i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
