Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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