so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
