You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize