is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
foreskin is a definite game changer
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
