As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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