This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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