drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
