Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.