Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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