We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
