I think I died a long time ago.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
