i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
