Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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