from now on my penis is your penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
