Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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