I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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