I just threw up on my dentist
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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