I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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