Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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