and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
