She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
