I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
