it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
