Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
