We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
