you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
