Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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