i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
