I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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